Men, Lets Stop Preying and Start Protecting

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Men,

This week at the end of a church service, I watched as several men and women gave their testimonies and got baptized. It was unsettling how many of the women’s testimonies included some sort of wound stemming from a past boyfriend or a guy at some party. Many of them having been raped, manipulated or talked into doing something that they didn’t want to do.

We seem to live in a culture where your (a man’s) validation, bragging rights and sense of worth come from how far you can go with a girl, or how many girls you can sleep with. Virginity is talked about like a disease that you should shake off as soon as you possibly can. Then you can go brag to your insecure buddies about how much of a man you are. For a moment, you feel a fake form of validation and win the approval of your peers.

All of this without any regard to how the girl is feeling or what she is wanting. It doesn’t matter how she feels, as long as you can try and fill your void. You can selfishly use and manipulate her all you want. Why do you think a girl will text you the next morning? She longs for relationship and to be loved and respected. I’ve said before that I don’t know many girls who grow up dreaming about her first one night stand.

Or maybe you validate your actions because “she didn’t try to stop me” or “she didn’t say no” or “she wanted it”. I hate to break it to you and deflate your ego, but I would bet good money that a majority of the girls you brag about didn’t want it. Or maybe they think they did because they don’t believe they deserve any better, so they try to suppress the feeling that there’s more out there. There may be some girls who read this and disagree, and that is sad because they deserve a whole lot better than what they’re settling for.

I don’t want to start an argument about men being superior to women or vice versa, but I do think it is a whole lot harder for a girl to tell a man to stop than a man to tell a girl to stop. That is why it is hard for us as men to understand this concept. “Why didn’t she just tell him to stop?” “Why didn’t she just say no and leave?” It breaks my heart that some girls don’t have the ability and courage to stand up for themselves, their morals, or their future marriage. I wish more would. But I think there is a bigger problem and a better solution.

Instead of asking girls to stand up for themselves better and be able to say “no” or “stop”, how about men stop preying on women and instead start protecting their heart and boundaries? How about we stop putting our selfish needs and search for validation over the needs and desires of women? What if, instead of seeing how far we can get a girl to go with us, we are the one that sets the tone for physical boundaries. I know you’re just doing what you’re taught, but how about we stop and think about the wound this may cause for her. In an effort to build up our own self-esteem, without realizing it we diminish hers. Now maybe she never thinks she will be accepted by her husband so she continues a cycle of searching for love and security in whatever attention a guy will give her.

I don’t want to condemn you, because I have had bad boundaries with girls before too. But I do want to challenge you and tell that there is another way. Despite what society tells you, there are other places to find validation. You can find genuine fulfillment and stop seeking it in the wrong places. You don’t have to keep believing the lies that you’re told and taught. It’s hard to do this in a society that throws sex and half-naked women at you. But God can redeem your actions and mindset to honor Him and women alike. Sex is a great thing that God created, but outside of marriage it can get skewed and become hurtful. Next time you go out to try and find your next booty call why don’t you stop and think about her? That innocent hook up may not be so innocent after all.

Lets stop trying to fill our insecurities at the expense of a woman’s heart. Lets stop preying on women and instead lets start protecting them.

-Daniel Wilde

View my photography here: http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/daniel-wilde.html

photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/bourguiboeuf/6209092026/

 

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “Men, Lets Stop Preying and Start Protecting

  1. Hannah Summy

    Daniel, this is by far the greatest post of your’s I have read yet. You always seem to bring a good straight-forward, Biblical, and challenging post; this post is no less so. It hits a topic that can bring a lot of conflict, and that many seem to try avoiding, although it is likely the most relevant in today’s society.

    And I have to say, while I may not know you personally, your writing seems to attest to your character, and it’s an admirable one. You are real in your writing, and don’t stray from admitting your wrongs, or saying what needs to be said-though in love, and from a Biblical perspective.

    In conclusion (this has been a lot longer comment than I had intended), thank you, and please, continue writing.

    Reply
  2. Nick Romero

    This post helped me self-reflect, and think about how I treat the women in my life. To be completely honest, it’s true that I search for women just to fill my insecurity. For some unreasonable reason, I believe that because I receive their affection that I am worth something. I find that pathetic. But I believe this is true for most men. The male culture seems to believe that having a women is the number one goal that they can achieve, when really it’s just a fantasy. It’s an insatiable pursuit, and you recognize this culture. Thanks for bringing it up.
    -Nick

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  3. Christy

    Thank you! I’ve heard men complain that girls always reject a nice guy, but if anything that’s because we have been conditioned by a system where we are frequently coming up short. There was a time in my life when I didn’t trust anyone, least of all the nice guys because I just thought, on a deep level, that they were just better liars. Thank God that’s not where I am now, but I encourage the men to see and understand the underlying fear behind both our giving in and our aloofness. You have no idea how deeply your commitment to protect your girlfriends, your friends, your sisters has resounding, incredible impact, one you may never see with your eyes. It’s one of those things that amazes me men aren’t more aware of, if only because the feminine heart is so relationally motivated. Men, it may not always be the easy road, and girls may even reject you out of their still very-real fear, but protect them. Not for what you get but because it will genuinely change the world. And ultimately, if you are a self-respecting man with character and principles, you will probably attract the women you would have thought were out of your league before anyway.

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